In 1973 the Topps bubble gum company released a set of trading cards called Creature Feature consisting of horror movie stills with funny (or at least seemingly so to twelve-year-olds)
captions beneath. The one pictured above was the Rosetta Stone of my childhood.
My friend Mark Maynard had it and we thought it was just about the funniest thing we'd ever laid eyes on. Frankenstein coming out of the bathroom! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Trouble is, Mark had it and I didn't. I chewed my way through hundreds of crunchy, flat, pink gum sticks and had a whole shoebox full of the damn cards but the elusive Frankenstein taking a shit never materialized.
I became a bubble gum junkie, spending my entire allowance and grass-cutting money on stacks of Creature Feature trading cards. I'd tear through the wrappers like it was Christmas morning, quickly scanning the cards and reaching for the next one in the pile. Creature From the Black Lagoon, Wolfman, Phibes, Wolfman...no Frankenstein. Dracula, Mummy, Price from the Wax Museum, Frankenstein!!! No wait, this was one of the boring ones and not the one where he needs toilet paper. Drat! (I wasn't much good at cursing in those days but like to think I've made up for lost time.)
So it went for an entire summer. I never found the object of my desire; a pattern I'm clearly doomed to repeat. I can't help but feel if I'd only latched onto that picture of Frankenstein life would have turned out ever so much better.
You can re-connect with your inner grade-schooler and view the entire series of cards here.
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