Sunday, March 14, 2010

Something's Not Quite Right About The Baby / Feel

Legendary among Spookshow In Your Pants fans (all four of them) was the epic concept piece Monkey Barbara And The Other, which told the story of a girl with four-meter forearms locked away in an attic by her cruel parents in a town that valued conformity above everything and also worshiped waffles. This cut from that song cycle still makes me smile after all these years. Click on the title to have a listen.

To bring you up to speed in the story: The Earl of Waffleton and his wife just had a baby that turned out non-standard and so by decree of the Chancellor of Waffleton it, and they, have to be destroyed. Monkey Barbra hears ths announcement on her radio.

The Chancellor of Waffleton:

Citizens of Waffleton I come to you with weighted heart.
The shower for the Earl’s wife is cancelled as of now.
Sorry ‘bout the inconvenience; hope your gifts can be returned.
Go buy something nice to help you ease the sting of grief.
Take heart in the knowledge when bad things happen to the faithful

We grow stronger with each passing trial.
Try and hold to some small hope that someday you will understand
The Waffle King don’t cause these things—he allows them.

Something’s not quite right about the baby!
Something’s gone amiss in utero.
Someone’s nonconformity resulted in deformity.
Someone’s little bundle has to go!

Citizens of Waffleton, you can’t imagine how it looks—
Just so sick and ugly we can’t take a photograph.
Baby’s arms and legs are fleshy flaps devoid of bone.
Nothing there from the neck up; no eyes, no ears, no button
Just a mouth atop a stump that spits and gurgles constantly
And as for baby’s sex…uh…we’ll get back to you…

Something’s not quite right about the baby!
Something in it’s strange genetic code.
Someone was a Ho and that fucked up the embryo—
Someone’s payment for the crime is owed.

In accordance with the laws and wishes of The Waffle King
Triple execution makes good sense.
Nothing gets exterminated while it’s being incubated—
Once it’s born, the judgments will commence.

Citizens of Waffleton, please gather in the parking lot
Of Flapjack Mall ‘round two o’ clock tomorrow afternoon.
Three unwholesome reprobates will be destroyed per holy law—
Three small fires burning with the stench of family shame.
The Earl and his wife agree to take their places willingly.
Offering themselves to Waffle King in sacrifice.
Only their foul offspring will be shackled with restraints.
Come on down—I guarantee a blessing!

Something’s not quite right about the baby!
Something in the way the bastard looks.
Fire up the tallows; bring the hot dogs and marshmallows.
See the way it dances while it cooks!

Monkey Barbara:

Funny how I’m jealous of The Earl and his wife
Yeah, they’re going down in flames—at least they had a life
Safe here in my attic no one knows that I exist
It’s always someone else who’s getting caught and crisped
Can’t take much more of this
Can’t take much more of this
Can’t take much more of this
I just might freak I just might learn to feel


I know the consequences
I know the consequences
I know the consequences then
If I should crack and just give in
I just might get out of this rut
And off my pimply, monkey butt
I might behave like one sick pup
Do a little acting up
Do something dangerous and real
Something more than simply feel


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