Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Merry Nun

Here's a little insigght into the creative process. I did this song about five years ago but never finished the lyrics. A half a decade down the road; same thing. I think it's a good idea, but apparently not good enough to bother going through with. The plan was for me to sing the song from the point of view of a woman, but obviously using my male (?) voice. Here are the lyrics I wrote but never finished:

I was ugly I was plain
my social options down the drain
A girl like me just had no chance
at getting some hippie boy in her pants
Thanks to the church it turned out nice
at 21 I'm a bride of christ
Sexually I'm finally free
O lamb of god I come to thee

I'm the merry nun
I'm the merry nun
God bless you everyone
I'm the merry nun

Holy water douche and douse
a nail scarred hand stuck down my blouse
If it slipped too far there'd be no hope
that's why I gotta rope on my plastic pope.
Every Easter, mercy me
My palm splits through like a big pussy
I snuggle up with the son of G.
and jerk him off horizontally.
I fill it up with lotion--Jergens
crank the iPod to Christian dirges
give him just what he's been urgin
Shame his sisters and his mom are virgins.

I'm the merry nun
I'm the merry nun
God bless you everyone
I'm the merry nun

(Right before the tune goes into the funk thing, a spoken vocal would say:) Oh,and he's really into 70's porn.

A strap-on up that holy butt
or stuck inside a Centurian's cut
Sword wound? So? He's got no pride
Talk about getting some on the side
Instead of jiz he spurts out wine
A parlor trick that's mighty fine
Skinny white body yet from Palestine
He's an anorexic borderline.

It's kinda funny how things ended up.
(this would be a refernce to how musically the refrain from the SSIYP song of the same name comes into play)

Healed my gash like I was a leper
No monthly blood just Dr. Pepper
Gave him praise as well as head
I hear five thousand have been fed.
Moving in to my convent digs
Double cheese pizza but please, no figs
Cast my period into a herd of pigs
It's a HIStorectomy-- no stirrup rigs!

I'm the merry nun
I'm the merry nun
God bless you everyone
I'm the merry nun

Ok, maybe one of thse days I'll actually finish it. Til then, good luck singing along. Click the title if you wanna try. 'Cause, yeah, it's kind of fun as an instrumental.


  1. Oh, it's lovely, Dan. Praise God for your talent.

  2. Yes, I truly felt the holy spirit move through me when I was writing that one. Or it could have just been gas.