Friday, February 26, 2010

Pitch Meeting For Lidsville

"Sid, Marty, great to have you here. Whatya got for me?"
"It's gold. Gold, I tell ya, gold. Imagine this. An entire world populated with hats."
"No, hats."
"I don't follow."
"What's not to get? There's a cowboy hat, a football helmet, an Indian headress...basically any one-dimensional stereotype you can wear on your head. We're calling it Lidsville. Get it? Hats? Lids?"
"You do understand that a 'lid' is a popular drug reference?"
"Don't start that again. We got that crap when we came up with Punfnstuf."
"You mean H.R. Pufnstuf. As in hand rolled puffing stuff. Please."
"We make shows for children. Not stoners. Can we help it if there's a huge crossover market? Hell, that's how Scooby Doo built a fucking empire. They've got a pothead, a talking dog and a goddamn lesbo solving crime. Who wouldn't need a brick of hash to sit through that?"
"Marty, calm down. Look. Our new thing is all about hats. Hats of every imaginable type. They sing, they dance, they fall down. Hilarious."
"Am I missing something? Is there a third grade interest in headgear of which I'm not aware?"
"Look, there's a top hat that sings opera. A straw hat that carries a pig and talks like a hick. A cowboy hat that sounds exactly like John Wayne. It's the goddamn melting pot only with hats. What's not to like?"
"Do people even wear hats anymore?"
"That's beside the point. Everyone knows what hats are. Now they can see them walking and talking and doing pratfalls."
"So if a hat falls off a table it's entertainment?"
"It is if it shoots out a one-liner afterward."
"You should tell him about the boy."
"Right, Sid. So there's this teenage boy, a real kid from the here and now, who gets dropped into this world of hats."
" I see. Another kid wandering around in a land of puppets. You two are a one trick pony."
"No, these are hats. An entirely different animal than Pufnstuf."
"Different how?"
"Well, like I said, they're hats. And the kid is American, not British."
"We're thinking Butch Patrick."
"Butch Patrick. You know, Eddie Munster?"
"God, that show's been off the air for years. How old is he now, sixteen, seventeen?"
"Whatever. The important thing is he's being chased by a gay magician."
"Come again?"
"We thought it would be a good idea to get Charles Nelson Reilly and paint him green."
"Okay, we're not married to it. Blue would work just as well."
"Are you telling me the plot revolves around a green child molester trying to get a teenage boy?"
"You're forgetting about the hats, sir."
"So this kid goes to a magic show and peeps inside the magician's hat. And it, well, grows."
"Frankly, the subtext here is making me kind of sick."
"No, wait. The kid climbs onto the growing hat and falls inside. He wakes up in this world of hats. Living hats. That's Lidsville."
"Yeah, remember? The opera singing top hat?"
"Wait a minute, wait a minute..."
"Marty, tell him about the wacky henchmen."
"Oh yeah. The magician has evil henchmen. One is a comical stupid rabbit."
"What's the other one? A goddamn gerbil?"
"Look, you're focusing too much on the homo factor. True, adults find Charles Nelson Reilly absolutely creepy. But to kids he's just silly. They see him as a silly, funny man. Which is why he'd be great as the magician."
"You two were the ones who said a gay magician."
"Well, it is kind of hard not to notice."
"So you've got a green queer, a has-been at sixteen and a bunch of hats. What else?"
"That's pretty much it."
"Okay. Fine. Give me two seasons."

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